Corporate speak

What is corporate speak (without corporate speak)?

1. Corporate talk which means nothing to common people.
2. An ambiguous way of communication you won't use with your mother, wife or kids.

Definition

Management-speak has triumphed. It has made much of our everyday language dull, dimwitted and meaningless. To sound professional, you must express everything in abstract nouns, and each noun in terms of another one; you must talk about synergy and strategy, uptake and outcomes and outputs and inputs, key performance indicators and drivers and customer experience - even if your 'customers' are in fact patients in a hospital. Your words will be obscure and indigestible. You will conform to the new way. You will surrender the ability to write and speak with spontaneity or clarity and, with prolonged use, even your ability to think clearly. (Source: Weasel words)

And from wikipedia:

Marketing speak refers to particular patterns of language often used to promote a product or service to a wide audience by seeking to create the impression that the vendors of the service possess a high level of sophistication, skill, and technical knowledge. Such language is often used in marketing press releases, advertising copy, and prepared statements read by executives and politicians.

Marketing speak is characterized by its heavy use of buzzwords, neologisms, and terms appropriated from specialized technical fields which are eventually rendered almost meaningless through heavy repeated use in inappropriate contexts.

Who talks like this?
Used mostly in big corporations. Independent  consultants also love it. They want to convince you that they are really capable and delivering something you don't know. They are actually delivering nothing. Makes them feel important and you look as stupid as possible. Some intellectuals also love it.

Examples

A job at micrsoft.com:

If you’re looking for a new role where you’ll focus on one of the biggest issues that is top of mind for KT and Steve B in ‘Compete’, build a complete left to right understanding of the subsidiary, have a large amount of executive exposure, build and manage the activities of a v-team of 13 district Linux& Open Office Compete Leads, and develop a broad set of marketing skills and report to a management team committed to development and recognized for high WHI this is the position for you!

From an IT company website:

We take the initiative to redirect with diversity of though, superior coordination and affirmative appraoch, ingenuity of ideas and assessment of skills, which are conductive to the success of any firm. That's why we are committed to quality and value. We are trying to make I.IT a basic need for business development so the creation of reporting in vast fields of business can modify and the decision making power can get improve for the business.

Oh God, I am in trouble. I can't speak like that. Any help?
Yes here is one glossary for the innocent victims.